10 MOST FAVORITE TWEETS FROM FUNNY OR FACT
1. I'm perfectly happy being single..... Until I see a happy couple..
2. A jealous girlfriend, is a faithful girlfriend..
3. "You look pretty today" "Was I ugly yesterday??"
4. And then Satan said, "Put the alphabet in math..".
5. You say I’m "Dirty minded" but then how did you understand what I meant??
6. The BAD news : "There is no Key to Happiness." The GOOD news: "It isn't locked."
7. *Boyfriend and girlfriend showering together* Girl: "Baby I want you to do bad things to me" Guy: *Puts shampoo in her eyes*.
8. All guys should learn from Mario. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her..
9. I Always Wanted to go into an elevator full of strangers and say "I bet you're wondering why I've gathered you all here today.".
10. Teacher: Imagine you’re in a world with dinosaurs and a dinosaur was going to eat you. What would you do? Boy: Easy, stop imagining..
"Fight!" ... "Where?!" *WHOLE SCHOOL RUNS.*.
Me: awww cute dog *walks closer* BARK BARK BARK BARK Me: well, fuck you too you ugly piece of shit!!.
Reading text messages while half asleep is like looking into the sun..
Shit happens. I mean, look at your face..
Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow, I bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts..
I'm a leader. Not a follower. Unless it's a dark place, then fuck that shit you're going first..
Boy: will you go out with me? Girl: No! Boy: do you even know what i said? Girl: yea. Boy: What? Girl: will u go out with me? boy: sure. :)
Dear Math, go buy a calculator and solve your own problems. I'm a teenager, not a therapist..
"Dad, I'm hungry." "Hi, Hungry. I'm Dad." "Dad, I'm serious." "I thought you were Hungry?" "Are you kidding me?" "Nope, I'm Dad.".
Taylor Swift wants to go Back To December. Miley wants Permanent December. Demi Lovato wants to Remember December. WTF happened in December?
That awkward moment when someone yells at you for clicking your pen too much, and you still have to click it one more time to use it!
People can be divided into 3 groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, & those who dont know what happened..
If I was a teacher I would create a multiple choice test where all 30 answers are "A" and giggle while the kids freak out..
Vodka is made from potatoes. Which means “Once upon a time” someone looked a potato and figured out how to drink it. GENIUS..
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at school..
I don't care how loud I'm laughing. I'm having fun and you're not..
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I saw you!.
"Ahh I love my boyfriend soooo much!" "How long have you been dating?" "Two days." "you're an idiot.."
WHAT IT SAYS: "Do not touch." WHAT I READ: "Touch when nobody is looking.."
That awesome moment when the whole class laughs at your joke..
Never give up on your dreams, so keep sleeping..
When I was little, my mom told me not to write on walls..... & when I joined Facebook..... I felt like such a badass..
Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman.. Then be Batman..
The awkward moment when someone invites themselves into your plans without asking..
"Daddy tell me a bedtime story!" "Sure honey. Once upon a time, a little girl wouldn't go to bed. Then she died.."
Guess what I saw today???? Everything I looked at..
That awkward moment when you ask a question and no one answers..
Nicki Minaj: Pink hair. Katy Perry: Blue Hair. Rhianna: Red Hair Lady GaGa: Green Hair. THE FREAKING POWER RANGERS ARE BACK!.
I remember when I was a kid I went on the computer just to use paint..
Money is like an iPad. I don't have an iPad..
Don't you hate it when people only respond to the last part of your text and leave the first and middle part unanswered??
You're so full of sh!t. Toilets are jealous..
"I wasn't that drunk" "Dude, you picked up a little mexican girl and screamed, 'DORA! I NEED YOUR MAP TO GET HOME!'".
Feeling like an idiot when people scream your name and you can't find them..
Obama said- "Yes we can!" but I said "Yes weekend..!"
That awesome moment when you're telling a lie and your best friend notices and joins you..
"What did you get me for my birthday?" "You see that pink Merecedes over there?" "OMG YES!" "Well I got you a pencil the same color.".
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, I cry..
"I wasn't that drunk!" "Dude you walked up to a truck and whisper "I know your secret..... Optimus Prime"..
I'm not stupid. I'm just too lazy to show how smart I am..
If Spongebob is the main character, why is Patrick the star?.
Yesterday I set my wifi's name to "Hack this if you can". When I checked it today, it was called "Challenge accepted"..
I changed all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it will tell me "Your password is incorrect.".
Friend: "Where are you?" You: "Robbing a bank." Friend: "Omg really?" You: "No wtf! You called my house phone where do you think I am?!".
You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in there? That’s God playing Sims, he just cancelled your action..
God's last name is not Dammit..
That awkward moment when you check the price tag..... and sadly, go away...
When I have kids I'm gonna make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that..
Think of a number. Double it. Add eight. Half it. Minus the number you started with. Close your eyes.... Its dark, isn't it?.
Girl to girl: "Awhh, you're really pretty!" "Thank you so much, you are too!" Guy to guy: "You're handsome" "Wtf? Dude are you gay?".
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people...... together..
Why do people in Horror Movies yell out “Hello?” as if the killer is gonna say “yeah, I’m in the kitchen, want a sandwich??”
I hate people who say 'age is just a number'... Age is clearly a word..
In 2009 we lost Michael Jackson. Now we've lost Neil Armstrong. We're running out of moon walkers..
I have never actually seen a yellow duck..
Humans are the only creature in this world, who cut the trees, made paper from it and then wrote, "SAVE TREES" on it..
